Gratitude - what really is it?

I have always had a funny relationship with this word
& I tread very carefully using it in the therapeutic space.

It is synonymous, at times, with toxic positivity which can be detrimental and deeply invalidating to someone’s lived experience.

Sometimes, I hear statements that ‘I should just be grateful for what I have’ in the therapy room reflecting the confusion around not being able to experience joy, at times. Another common theme is this internalised thought patterns= of a perpetrator's voice, saying statements like: ‘you should be greatful’ - disallowing a person to process what happened to them.

This is why it is so important to tread carefully when applying gratitude techniques in the therapeutic space.

It can be re-traumatising for the people we are supporting while also closing the door on their the ability to make sense of what happened to them by others.

Now we have that out of the way - what actually is gratitude & how can it be used properly & with care?

My own defintion of gratitude is this:

Gratitude is creating space in the present moment to reconnect with joy and peace.

It’s about balancing out the darkness, with REAL moments we feel connected to that bring us joy.

This is far from toxic positively, as it grounded in the reality of our daily experiences.

For a bit background, our brains are hardwired towards having a negative bias, for our own survival. The brain’s job is to keep us alive and unfortunately, it doesn’t always care if we are happy or not.

Often this means, we can recall the painful moments of the day a lot quicker, than the ones that brought us a joy, connection, & peace. It is because these moments allow us to stay safe and on guard.

Practising gratitude is not about ‘being greatful’ but rather connected and making space to reflect on these moments that were full of meaning, love, connection, laughter, joy - all the moments that make life exciting & meaningful.

It can ground us into the present moment once more.

It can also allow us to see how far we have come in our journeys. We live in a culture that prioritises more & more, so this can bring us back to everything we already have and have achieved thus far in life.

Practising gratitude (whether that be through journalling or meditation) can allow us to balance out the harsher feelings in the day so we can feel the lighter emotions more.