The Journey of Catherine Hannah Therapies

I was sitting on a couch, in my therapy session unpacking the frustation I was feeling at the mental health and disability sector.

It had only been 18 months since graduating with a Master of Social Work but the feeling of burnout, overwhelm, and to be honest, anger, was prevalent within me and quite heavy to carry.

They warned us about this in our degrees. I had proactively attempted to do all I could to avoid it but no matter how much self-care I tapped into or leave I took, it felt like a bandaid over the underlying issues that were weighing me down.

I wanted to help and hold space for people. I knew I had the skillset, the lived experience, and the drive but I kept coming against barriers and systems that felt enormous to climb.

I kept seeing money-hungry people jumping into the NDIS space and leaving clients worse off.

I kept seeing leaders (who were desperately burnt out), not leaning into their own healing journeys and making unethical decisions from this place. This often lead themselves towards a misuse of power.

I kept seeing people becoming re-traumatized by this misuse of power (both front-line workers and clients) again and again.

I began to realize the only way to do well in this sector was to have a strong sense of self-awareness and personal ethics in order to protect your compassion at all cost. However, balancing this against organizations, and government systems who do not operate from this lens was a next-to-impossible task.

Finally, I noticed a theme in the practitioners working with strong ethics. They often opted out of leadership roles because they saw how hard it was to not become jaded and burnt out and often this meant sacrificing their own ethical compass at times.

My therapist, who was listening to this narrative of mine, nodded gracefully, paused for a moment, & shared an insight that opened up a new pathway in my own life. 

She said,

“Catherine, a lot of people in your shoes, end up going into private practise because they get fed up with navigating the inflexibilities of systems and power structures preventing people from actually healing themselves”

At that moment, I began wondering whether this was a pathway open to me and if it was, what was truly preventing me from stepping into this space? 

Bingo!

The beliefs, thought systems, emotions, and my own trauma tumbled their way to the surface, quite aggressively, might I add, kind of like an angry librarian telling you off for talking too loudly in high school, when you just wanted to laugh and have fun with your friends.

These thoughts and feelings let me know exactly and clearly why I could not do this.

Right there, in that moment, was my own compass, pointing me inwardly, towards where I needed to do my own healing work so I could live out this calling.

This did not happen overnight.
These parts; the thoughts, beliefs systems emotions presenting themselves had deep roots and conditioning and required some deep care and attention.
These parts all had rich histories, rooted in my own intergenerational trauma, that needed to be understood, honoured, and held in a new light.
But, by leaning in, showing up, and allowing myself to go into this this internal work created space into this chapter of my healing journey. Probably for the first time within my maternal lineage.

These parts still present themselves.
But I have a new lens to see them through and I can make space for them to be present because I know them and their stories well, rather than allowing them to take the lead to protect me but often, inadvertently, holding me back.

My favorite question to ask people, is what would they do with themselves if they could do anything.
I listen curiously to what surfaces for them.
I smile inwardly when I hear what really makes them tick and what their hearts are calling them towards.
My next query is always what is the barrier presenting (both externally and internally) holding them back.

“Can we safely tap into this space that is afraid, if you feel ready to do that?
We may not have to move mountains straight away but can we make space for it and observe the message and story presenting and why it might be there to begin with?”

Because that is where it all began for me, 6 months ago, in a therapy office, with a therapist who was brave enough to ponder the same questions with me.